Do you ever feel like we keep going out of our way to please those around us? Are you a people pleaser and often find yourself exhausted and unhappy? It’s time to stop and reevaluate your actions.
When it comes to people pleasing, I’m a champion.
Oh, let me pay for that lunch (despite paying the last time or someone still owing me money) and of course I’ll come out (even though I’m feeling like a truck ran me over and all I want is a hot water bottle and my bed), yes, I’ll sacrifice my lunch hour to run errands with you (when I’m desperate for some peace and quiet on my own). I could go on and on. And what happens at the end is an exhausted you, a shell of your former self, complaining you never have time for yourself or things you love. Yup, been there done that.
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But how do we break this hellish circle and still keep friends?
We don’t want to end up being the lonely lady getting eaten by Alsatians (thanks Bridget Jones). The fear of missing out if we once say no is more than real.
My lunch break sees me scrolling through Instagram and feeling left out when I see how much fun other people had having their evening drinks somewhere and I want to be a part of the cool crowd. Seeing other people’s perfect lives makes you want to please them even more, so that one day, you’ll be that #lifestylegoals.
At that moment, it’s time to step back and think about your life and your own lifestyle goals.
Hide your phone, step away from your computer and think what really matters to you. We’re too easily influenced by the seemingly perfect lifestyles of others. When I’m away from social media, I realise that what I value most is quiet time. Yes, I’m an introvert and have learnt to spend time with myself. Going out and having fun is great and something I love to do, but in small doses and even then with a small group. So, why do I then always feel like I have to say yes to going out, to parties I’d rather not go to? Because I’m oh so scared that saying no once, will exclude me forever. Guess what?! It won’t. And if you say no more often and people stop asking you, just ask them yourself when you feel like going out.
Do you want to go out on your own during your lunch break, but you’re afraid you’ll miss on the office gossip if you don’t join the group? Just ask yourself, what’s more important, knowing what Jane did at the pub the other night or spending quality time reading a book (or tweeting or shopping or whatever floats your boat). Go with what’s important to you. If you’re suffering from an excruciating case of FOMO, then make a compromise. One day you do you, the next day catch up with the group. You don’t have to be present all the time to be a part of the cool crowd.